Thinking back about recent events, I realized that I have done stupid things and have hurt a lot of people. A word of sorry would never be enough since the hurt was already done. Strong anticipations leads to disappointment and setbacks.

We are humans and humans make mistakes after all. Sometimes I think I have the situation under control and I can manage the people. Sometimes I think I should make decisions for others so as to protect their emotions. But is that always the case? Will they like it if they know they're being manipulated? What if multiple people gets affected in one decision?

I know I am supposed to act in a way, but I just didn't manage it well. Worse, I am slow to think, and cannot act in the moment. This has greatly affected me as a person for a very long time. Yet, no matter how hard I try, I cannot correct this.

For someone who tries so hard, it sometimes is so difficult to forgive yourself. Can I blame it on my personality? Sometimes I think I am a walking emotionless zombie incapable of empathy. Am I really going to be destined to be a person like that forever? You can learn and try to apply it in your life. However, it never really becomes part of you. When you're tired, you bounce back.

I have always wanted to be a nice gentleman, I really do, but I end up either not doing things right, or doing inappropriate things that make people disappointed or sad. Would my friends accept me for who I am and forgive me for my mistakes? (and... would someone understand why I sometimes make bad decisions at the moment, and then regret later...? Would someone finally accept me for who I really am, a broken and weird person who only tries to be nice?)

These are such great regrets. 2015 brought so much set backs and realizations. Hopefully, the realizations and lessons stay with me. May I be a better, stronger and emotionally wise person in 2016.