Thinking back about recent events, I realized that I have done stupid things and have hurt a lot of people. A word of sorry would never be enough since the hurt was already done. Strong anticipations leads to disappointment and setbacks.

We are humans and humans make mistakes after all. Sometimes I think I have the situation under control and I can manage the people. Sometimes I think I should make decisions for others so as to protect their emotions. But is that always the case? Will they like it if they know they're being manipulated? What if multiple people gets affected in one decision?

I know I am supposed to act in a way, but I just didn't manage it well. Worse, I am slow to think, and cannot act in the moment. This has greatly affected me as a person for a very long time. Yet, no matter how hard I try, I cannot correct this.

For someone who tries so hard, it sometimes is so difficult to forgive yourself. Can I blame it on my personality? Sometimes I think I am a walking emotionless zombie incapable of empathy. Am I really going to be destined to be a person like that forever? You can learn and try to apply it in your life. However, it never really becomes part of you. When you're tired, you bounce back.

I have always wanted to be a nice gentleman, I really do, but I end up either not doing things right, or doing inappropriate things that make people disappointed or sad. Would my friends accept me for who I am and forgive me for my mistakes? (and... would someone understand why I sometimes make bad decisions at the moment, and then regret later...? Would someone finally accept me for who I really am, a broken and weird person who only tries to be nice?)

These are such great regrets. 2015 brought so much set backs and realizations. Hopefully, the realizations and lessons stay with me. May I be a better, stronger and emotionally wise person in 2016.

Guang Zhou

Guang Zhou is said to be China's most tourist friendly city to visit, and this trip proves it to be true. However, it's not exactly English friendly, so if you can't read Chinese, you should get a guide. It is a city of delicious authentic Chinese food, night views and traditional Chinese shopping streets. Not so much on the sight-seeing however, This trip was inspired and planned in most parts by my almost sister-like friend. A trip inspired by roasted geese. Also a trip of realization.

19 December 2015, Clear, Lychee Bay > Chen Clan Academy > Beijing Road > Zhujiang

Arrived at Guang Zhou Baiyun Airport in the wee hours, so I had to 'willingly' get scammed by taxi to arrive at my rented place. Rested for 3 hours before meeting with Joyce. A happy reunion. Our first stop was Lychee Bay and a very famous yum cha restaurant with a long history in China: Pan Xi Restaurant, where we had super excellent dim sum with tea, a typical 'yum cha' style brunch. Dim sums were one of the best I have ever had, but according to Joyce, this is only just above average.

After being full, we walked around Lychee Bay park to look at old people do old people things... Fishing, water calligraphy, dancing, etc.

Next, we went to eat fish skin. Not my favourite food, but is one of her favourites. Next, we ate the Cantonese version of 'Hong Dou Bing'. I was surprised it came in a cup and was meant as a drink. Ours was topped with coconut ice-cream, which was a great compliment to the red bean drink. We had lunch at a Chinese restaurant which serves steam chicken. We ordered their chicken, plus some veggies. I still like the steam chicken of Singapore more. In the afternoon, we visited Chen Clan Academy. If you know the Chinese name, you would find that it is translated wrongly. This place was constructed with funds raised from many families with the family name of Chen. Over time, it became a repository for books, and hence its name. The roofs were all carved extremely intricately to the maximum detail. It was truly a spectacular sight.

Our next destination was Beijing Road, where we only walked past to take a look at ancient paths and roads that was preserved. We walked on to have dessert at a famous sweet soup restaurant. We ordered tang yuan since it Winter Solistice is coming. I ordered an additional almond pudding. They all taste awesome. The soup was sweet, but my tour guide was sweeter (only you'll read this!). In the evening, we walked around ZhuJiang New Town area and took a few shots of the modern city scenery of Guang Zhou.

After resting for a bit on a cup of Gong Cha, we went to take the Pearl River Night Cruise. When you are on top of the cruise, you get to see the CBD from a different perspective. I was enjoying every part of it, soaking up the night cruise atmosphere.

20 December 2015, Cloudy, Huang Pu Old Harbour > Shamian Island > TianHe

My tour guide was sleepy today. Perhaps visiting when she needs to work isn't that good an idea. We went to take a tram and walked to Huang Pu Old Harbour. The area around the harbour is less developed. Many make-shift shops were set up on the side of the road, selling stuff from vegetables to pets, fish, meat, etc. Our destination was a shop that sells good porridge. We ordered Lotus Root Cake and sweet potato leaves to go with the porridge. The porridge tastes really authentic, nothing like what I had before. We then went to the remains of the harbour and took some pictures. Next, we went to eat the ginger milk curd, known in Chinese as 'jiang zhuang nai'. The chemistry behind this dessert is interesting: when hot milk is added to the ginger juice, the milk curdles into a solid after about a minute. My best guess is that there must be an enzyme in the ginger that can denature the protein in the milk. This is the softest 'curd' style dessert I have ever ate in my life! We passed by a post shop and Joyce helped me to prepare post cards. You wish to escape from my mailing list. In the afternoon, we took a ferry to Shamian Island. We visited Sun Yat Sen University for a bit since the ferry only operate at half an hour interval. Shamian Island has a mystic aura around it. The island features old colonial style buildings and cafes. Joyce said this used to be her favourite place until it became so popular that it's so crowded now.

True enough, I can imagine it to be a quietly peaceful and charming place for coffee or tea when there's less people. So many couples take their wedding shots here. Nevertheless, we sat down in Lucy's Cafe for coffee, tea and chips. Dinner was at Wu Xi Hong Kong Restaurant in TianHe district. This is the place where I tried goose meat for the first time (I think). It really tastes like duck, but with an extra flavour to it. Really yummy. The restaurant's polo bun was also way better than the one I had in Hong Kong. After dinner, we went for a shot window shopping before going back because TianHe is a shopping district. With a tinge of sadness, we parted ways again. Hate the feeling of good byes. Felt that this was the end of the good part of the trip.

21 December 2015, Rain/Cloudy, Guang Zhou various areas.

Without my tour guide, and with my luggage, I travelled to many places around Guang Zhou like a lost sheep (my typical solo travel day, a day of spiritual relaxation). Total mileage today was 13 km. My first destination was decided spontaneously: Dong Hu. This destination was chosen because one of my friends recommended it, and because the weather isn't suitable for Baiyun Mountain. Dong Hu makes a place for a good stress release, only I was like the youngest person there...

Being adventurous, I tried to walk all the way from Dong Hu to BeiJing Road. This walk is really crazy and long. I walked past some of the less developed areas of Guang Zhou, which was also a sight. Ate at a Chao Zhou noodle restaurant near BeiJing Road, which is decent. I then find a shop that sells Guang Zhou made snacks. This will be the souvenirs for my colleagues and family. I then decided to travel to Shang Xia Jiu (Up Down 9 Street) to have a look at the place. Before reaching the place, I passed by cultural garden, where there were cartoons on display.

Shang Xia Jiu turned out it looks remarkably similar in style to BeiJing Road, except with a little difference in flavour, due to the shop signs and building designs. Deposited my post cards here, and got more snacks. At this moment in time, I was lost for places to go. I decided to go to Bai Yun Garden Station to take a look. This expedition paid off, because the garden that is next to the station was made into a Children's Garden. I entered as a tourist and observed many mums and dads and their children play in the complex. This place also featured traditional Chinese style architecture, which till today, I find it strangely beautiful and appealing. I like the Chinese style concrete bridge spanning over the lake, just like what a Chinese poem paints.

After a short rest, I decided to walk over to Lantian Road. Just because of the road name, and the affiliation to a little joke that me and Joyce has. Turns out I can't even take a picture of the road name because there was no road sign for it. Disappointment. In the evening, I decided to go to HuiFu East Road. On the way there, I passed by People's Park, so I decided to enter. Many old folks are gambling in the area. Pictures turned out bad since it's night time. After I walk to HuiFu East Road, I realized that this road connects itself to BeiJing road, so I found myself back in BeiJing road! Should have stared at google maps more often before actually flying here like a lost lamb! At least at night, the ancient street was lighted, allowing me to take this.

After having dumplings for dinner, I decided to head to the airport early for my flight back. On the way back, I walked past XiHu Road and saw a beautiful palace, though I don't know what it is!

I hope I won't miss Guang Zhou too much.

Batam, A Short Getaway

This trip was planned solely by me, but the presence of my dad made everything a whole lot easier. Kudos to him for picking up Indon after working there. Being able to communicate with the locals really helped us get the best deals and getting to places! Resort lifestyle by the beach refreshes both the mind and spirit. In this trip, we enjoyed fresh local seafood and I got to enjoy exhilarating sea sports. Mosquitoes annoyed us throughout the trip. Nonetheless, another trip succeeded!

7 December 2015, Sunny, Singapore > Batam Turi Beach Resort
We woke up early in the morning to travel to Batam. Things dragged a bit because I am travelling with my mum! Moreover, I forgot to bring our Groupon tickets, so we had to go back home, then cab to Tanah Merah Ferry Terminal. The ferry ride gave us a headache. Note: Sitting on the lower deck will prevent this problem. We arrived at Turi after a short bus ride, then ate at the only restaurant available before checking in. I decided to test the pool in the resort. It is quite dirty! In the end, I did some suntanning. Late in the evening, I went to the gazebo by the sea. We then ate our steamboat dinner and retired for the night.

8 December 2015, Sunny, Turi > Nagoya Hill Shopping Centre >Turi 

We consumed our free breakfast in the resort. It was reasonable. We then took a taxi and went all the way to Nagoya Hill Shopping Centre. We then did a lot of shopping. I bought a set of clothes. Too bad no shoes caught my attention. Had our lunch in this restaurant called ZA Cafe. The Ayam Penyet that I had only cost $1.20 in Singapore dollars, and it tasted nice! After lunch, I went to try the arcade. Since smoking is allowed, the entire arcade is full of cigarette smoke. I only played a few rhythm games before leaving. Really cannot stand the smoke and poor ventilation although the arcade is really cheap. A token costs 10 cents! After that, I found another arcade by the cinema where smoking is not allowed. Spent a long part of my afternoon playing Time Crisis 4 there since one credit only costs 37 cents. Really enjoyed the arcade session, played till my heart's content! Dinner was at Reseki Seafood Restaurant, one of the recommendations by TripAdvisor. The seafood here is really fresh since all of them are live. My dad commented that their cooking skills are actually not that good, but I am contented. We had a large variety of seafood: Indonesian crab, groupers, gong-gong, small prawn, scallop and crayfish! This meal costed us a million dollars! (in rupiah)

9 December 2015, Sunny, Turi Beach Resort > Singapore

Today is the day where I did sea sports. I finally got the chance to try para-sailing, and at a reasonable price. After being all harnessed, the instructor counted down from 3, then I ran towards the sea and jumped. I was immediately lifted off the ground and ascended together with the kite. It was simply exhilarating. The view of the resort when you're up in the air is just different. Staring down, you can see your own shadow cruising over the sea at great speeds. The landing is a bit stupid however, just land into the water and get fetched back on a jet-ski. I then rode around the area on my rented jet-ski. After fumbling around with the balance, I finally got used to the machine. In no time, I start to speed around the waters at max throttle. This particular jet-ski was faster than the one that I tried in Gold Coast. Every max speed I achieved is a lot of adrenaline released. I then did some standing-speeding in the sea haha! The feeling is just great! Makes me forget all my troubles and woes temporarily. After a small lunch of fish and chips, we took the ferry back to Singapore.

Till the next trip, which actually isn't so far away from this one.