Happy Valentines' Day to all the happy couples out there. It has been so many years, and every day today, I show up a positive front, hiding all the bitterness within. These kind of feelings should not even been felt if I know that my future plans would not allow me to have a life-partner. Why the bitterness and loneliness.
I know that I have been always too nice to others. I have decided it is time to change that. It doesn't pay to be nice to others. In the end, you will still be lonely, nobody will give you attention and care about you, in fact, you'll be repeatedly helping others and being taken advantaged of. To put it to action, I have written some sentences to myself as a reminder.
Fight for your own rights instead of compromising for others.
You don’t need people to validate that you are nice.
Make them think what’s wrong with them, because you are not
wrong.Do what is right, not do what that makes people happy.
I even brought this out into practice and I made someone angry at me. She forgot about the birthday present she has been looking forward to in the past month. Forgetting this means that she does not really care about it at all. It made me disappointed and upset. I wanted to make her realize this, and make sure she doesn't do this to her other friends. She doesn't want to listen and she feels horrible. Till now, she still is confused and has not figured out what is wrong. I ruined it totally. I feel guilty and worry about her. But, I cannot give way this time. It could be the end of our friendship, but I shall risk it. It is toxic to think about who benefits more, but clearly, she will lose a lot more if we do not talk to each other again. I gain nothing much from her at all. I guess it is fine for me to forget it and move on since I lose nothing other than company. Come to think of it, our friendship is only less than a year.
In a very timely advise I saw from Positive Outlooks blog, I saw the quote: Stop trying to change someone who doesn’t want to change. Stop giving chances to someone who abuses your forgiveness. Stop walking back to the place where your heart ran from. Stop trusting their words and ignoring their actions. Stop breaking your own heart.
Leadership
With me taking a course on EQ and leadership, I have been getting myself very stressed. Expectations for self are always high, and you always end up not achieving them. It always makes me sad to realize how bad I am dealing with other people. This module has troubled me so much and keeps getting me to think. I hope I really would learn to become better after all of this stress.
